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The Most Important Issue in Marriage
"The number one thing a couple can do for their marriage is to make sure that each has a true and deepening relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ."
What is the most important issue in a marriage? It is the personal relationship each spouse has with Jesus Christ. Why is that? Because if we don't trust Jesus to meet our deepest needs, we automatically transfer the expectation for meeting those needs to the people around us, especially our spouses. And that kind of transference puts too heavy a burden on any human relationship.
Only Jesus can meet our for deepest needs: Acceptance-we need to know we are loved despite all our faults. Identity-we need to know who we really are. Security-we need to feel safe and be provided for. Purpose-we need to know why we should get up in the morning. Our spouse can never meet needs like these, and if we expect him or her to do so, we will only wind up feeling disappointed, frustrated, and bitter.
Beyond our unhappy feelings resulting from trusting in anyone besides Jesus to meet our needs, this mistake also presents us with a couple of problems. First, our inner security is dependent upon someone whom we cannot predict and whose resources are too limited to meet our needs. Second, we limit our own ability to give to others, since what we can give is dependent on what we get.
On the other hand, if we do trust Jesus, He empowers us to relate effectively to others, especially our spouse. He does this by healing our hurts, filling us with His love, and changing our character to become more like His. Then we become someone who can hold up one half of a great marriage.