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Understanding and Meeting Your Spouse's Needs (Part 1)
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"A man has needs for respect, for sexual fulfillment, for fun, and for a welcoming home; a loving wife will do her best to meet these needs"
Ephesians 5:22-33


    Men and women have very different needs. Learning to understand and meet your spouse's needs may be difficult, but it is crucial to building a good marriage. If given a foothold, the enemy will devastate a couple simply through their unmet needs and expectations.

    In several ways, married couples tend to fail at meeting their spouses needs.

    First, some don't accept the truth that there are basic, God created differences between men and women. They spend their time trying to change their spouses-a futile and damaging exercise. Men and women are different; that's Just the Way, God made us.

    Second, some people mistakenly translate their spouses needs into their own language. For example, when a wife says she wants affection, her husband may think she wants sex. Conversely, when a husband says he wants sex, his wife may think he just wants affection.

    Third, some people are just selfish. Selfishness is the inherent desire to have your own needs met over those of your spouse.

    While the following deals with a woman's needs, this focuses only on the needs of a man. Men have four major needs: Honor, sex, kindred fellowship, and domestic support.

    1) Honor: this is the number one need of a man. Typically, while stronger than women physically, men are more fragile in their emotions. Therefore, they have a powerful need to be shown respect. A wife can honor her husband by allowing him to take risks and even to fail; by honoring him the way she wants him to be, not the way he is; and by covering his faults and recognizing his strengths. Man will always gravitate toward honor and respect. Thus the standard for a woman's behavior should be to speak to her husband in a loving, positive way, the same way she would speak to Jesus.

    2) Sex: generally, men have a greater desire for sex than do women. It is a profound need placed in them by God. A wife should accept her husband's sexual needs and be willing to accommodate them. Men are also more visually stimulated than are women, and a wife should be willing to show her body to her husband.

    3) Kindred fellowship: a couple falls in love while having fun in a dating or courtship type relationship. After marriage, a man has a need to continue relating to his wife as a friend. She can meet that need by working hard to share various outgoing activities with her husband.

    4) Domestic support: by all means, a husband should help out with the housework. But women have a gift for maintaining a home in a way that is pleasing and comforting. A wife can support her husband by exercising this gift and creating an environment that he will enjoy coming home to.